Self Care

Self Care is the new buzz word right it’s all over social media. Somewhere someone is posting and talking about it.

For me self care has a totally different meaning don’t get me wrong, I do agree that self care is about taking care of yourself on the outside, But for me it goes further. When I think about self care I think mental health and mental wellness.

At about 21 years of age, I entered into the darkest period of my entire life. I felt lonely, isolated, sad, and overwhelmed. I just graduated college and the work I was doing wasn’t fulfilling. I was in and out of relationships trying to fill a void. Clearly I had a problem that I didn’t know how to address. My outlet was modeling, I felt so free in front of the camera and on the runway. All the worries and troubles instantly went away! As the time went by modeling slowed down. I had so much going on I couldn’t keep up, and the support just wasn’t there. So I took a step back and had to deal with my struggles head on.

I have episodes of being gripped by anxiety, they pass relatively quickly. I pray between hypomania and lower levels of agitation. I rarely have energy and it’s hard to stay focused. Being apart of the LGBTQ community was very stressful. Acknowledging homosexuality in public required courage and posted extraordinarily risk. Although I’m passed what people may think of my lifestyle it wasn’t always easy.

I’m learning to be mindful of and accountable for how I impact other people. I struggle with that because I don’t want to put the burden of how I’m feeling or what I’m going through on other people. And this is were I start to become unpleasant. I automatically assume people know what’s going on in my head, so when I don’t get the responses I want I lash out. I constantly greave with the hurt I put on others. Running away from myself because the hurt was viciously overwhelming.

I have to remind myself that I’m not responsible for things that happened in the past. How can you be responsible for something that no longer exist? The past is gone so there’s no need to drown in sorrow. If you continue living with the story, you’re going to continue repeating the past over and over again.

Self Care/Self-Love is to fill your mind, body, and soul with only the BEST fuel.

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